Sunrise over the Umpqua Valley

I’ve been empty of words to share. I suppose I’m still in shock over the tragedy at UCC. I’ve been wanting to write something healing, but at the same time, I want to hide from the outside world.  You can’t heal and hide at the same time.  Hiding is stagnant.  Healing requires action.  When your body is broken, you go through painful physical therapy to get stronger.  When your heart and soul are crushed it takes just as much work to rise again.

Over the last several years I’ve been praying the lyrics to “Give Me Your Eyes” by Brandon Heath.  It’s asking God to give us His “love for humanity,” to see as He sees.  He has been answering that prayer. I care about more people in more ways to a deeper level than I used to.  Which is great, except for when it sucks. Because people can be awful. But they can also be wonderful. The stories of horror, but also of bravery and love, have shown that. My family wasn’t injured that day, but it still broke my heart.  These are all someones kids.  These are God’s people. These are my people.

The day after the shooting, I remember thinking that I had to turn it all off. The news, the stories, the conflicts were all getting the better of me and I needed to pull it together and be mom for my kids.  So I did.  I shut the door to the emotion because I just needed to quit crying.

Maybe I did need to for awhile. But now I can recognize I’m on lockdown; I’m not better, I’m just frozen. I need to wake again and welcome the day with all the sorrow and joy it may hold.  I need to feel the Holy Spirit move in me and work through me. I need to get to work again for God’s glory, to feel Him close and take comfort in His presence.  You can’t heal and hide at the same time.

So come, Lord Jesus, come.